(3) Getting Paid: The Art Of Positive Confrontation

Social psychologists say that the three greatest fears are death, public speaking and asking for money. We're talking about the gut wrenching feeling that you get when someone owes you money and they're not paying up. This churning sensation is the main reason that many business people would rather do without their hard earned cash rather than risk a confrontation with a debtor. The recent bankruptcy statistics show that this is a serious problem.

There are stages in the business process when you really need to get your way. These include getting the account information, during the telephone call follow up process and when negotiating for a settlement. These are all opportunities for confrontation. The "flight or fight" reaction associated with this is built into us by evolution (to either run away from the tiger or wrestle it to the ground till it becomes unconscious). "Flight or fight" is a natural reaction to stress because we all know that confrontation can have serious consequences, especially if handled badly. Success in getting paid arises not from defeating your debtor, upsetting them or making them turn defensive, but from having them to do what you want them to do - by making them pay you!

If a person has the goal of destroying their debtor or if the confrontation gets ugly, the consequences can include loss of sleep, anxiety, damaged dignity, reputation and soured friendships. And worst still, this can lead to you avoiding debt collection situations altogether because you naturally want to avoid an unpleasant scene. It can also distract you from the serious business of making money or get you a reputation as an easy mark - your clients can get off without paying you.

A positive confrontation is one that is intentionally created by you to get you the result that you want within controlled limits, and without harming yourself or your customer. Personal dignity is a human being's most cherished possession - so, if you want co-operation, don't attack a person's dignity. In confrontation, a good grasp of the facts contributes more to confidence than your basic personality style - so keep good records and review them as part of your preparation for any discussion over overdue accounts owing.

Positive confrontation is not like a verbal boxing match; it is more like herding a cow. What you want is for the cow to go into the barn. So you gently push and prod the cow whilst showing it the way out. In this case, the way out of the slight discomfort you create is when you go through the barn door, so does she.

Now people are a little smarter than cows, but the theory of positive confrontation is quite similar. In a positive confrontation, you provide the other person with the opportunity to do what you want them to do. You provide the other person with the opportunity to pay you without making that action into a symbolic (or actual) defeat. It's not about running away or getting into a battle to the death. It's about getting paid and loving it!